Ash surely must be Gurinder Chadda’s Chaddi dost or maybe she just got into hers (Chadda’s lesbo Chaddis, of course) to get this role.
Why else would Chadda throw away everything she has earned so hard, after bending it like Beckham, suddenly change her game by swinging her balla (bat in Hindi stupid, you need a Doodarshan commentary refresher) at a total bouncer? Aur, yeh hai chakka! (And it’s a six/eunuch in Hindi!)
It’s beyond the boundary awrite, but not in the cricketing sense. At the risk of sounding insensitive to the third sex, the movie is more like a eunuch at a Zebra crossing than a crossover film. It’s not really Bollywood, it’s not Brit or Austen, nor is it Amrikan’s romantica (well erotic becomes erotica tho romantic becomes romantica na!)
I’m digressing… Gurinder surely seems to be in love, not just with marketing India to the world but also Ash to Hollywood. So throughout the fillum, an Ash-smitten Chadda seems to feeding her lines sayin: “Belle Belle, Thoda aur Le Le”.
Hollywood? The closest she comes to any wood is that she’s wooden. Let’s say Hollywood ignores it because she’s perfect Dollywood material but then our Miss will not kiss and insists on getting outta a swimming pool in a wraparound that could be mistaken for a long skirt. Seriously, no exaggeration. Watch the fillum.
Wait, actually, don’t. I’ll tell you everything you wanna know.
Ash plays a juvenile snooty, judgemental B with an itch who forms her opinion about ‘Am-I-Darcy-or-am-I-Hugh Grant’-dilemma-ridden Martin Henderson, based on what a total stranger on the beach says. Ash instantly falls in love with this Hollywood’s answer to Sallu Salman, only to later learn that he’s a prick who roz (that’s supposed to pun with rose, silly) wants a different babe. But then salla, even a simple villain’s role ain’t well etched out. After getting Darcy’s sister preggie before she turns 17, our firangi Sallu takes forever before he can even muh-lagao Ash’s sister Lakhi (Peeya, the only person to have actually performed in the film apart from Mr.Kholi, yet another crossover stereotype.)
So before the prick can deflower this little rose, Darcy and Ash (yeah, Ash plays Ash in all her films na!) beat the crap outta him with a Prem Chopra rape scene in the background in a movie hall. Haan bhai haan… People in London are still watchin Prem Chopra’s rape movies and understandably so since crossover cinema of today seems to suck! And how!
And then, the movie thankfully gives way to the most entertaining part of the film: The fun end credits. The rest of the movie was just those going ghaghra over bhangra naach gaana dance wance sequences.
Now since you’ve read the review of the movie, do write and tell us: What could be worse than Bride and Prejudice?
The Hindi version, of course!
He he!
So everybody
Bolo Bolo…
Ash sucks, Sush rules! Didn’t she look a million bucks in Main Hoon Na? And she could act too!
Post Script:
Suderman likes to officially thank Ravi for his super sweet words on my blogs in his site.
The Balle Balle Freeview!
Posted In: Archives
MADRAS INK. 
I sure would love to read this unabridged version in the Friday Review :-). Seriously though, Keith Miller’s original quote “Pressure? I’ll tell you what pressure is. Pressure is a Messerschmitt up your arse, playing cricket is not,” appeared in the Hindu Obit as “Pressure is having a enemy airplane at your tail” 🙂
ha ha!
Well, now u know!
Writing for a newspaper which even lil children read, as my colleague shonali often reminds me, is always a lil tricky!
Most of my Friday reviews are toned down for that sake and in some cases, rather cruelly edited! Which is why i love the idea of blogging… who cares wat some old aunty thinks! I write, therefore I am.
Your attitude rocks !!. The reviews that are written for papers are hugely edited. The essence doesn’t come out finally. Blogging is pretty much scott free stuff. You rule the game.
And can’t agree more that Sushmita rules better than Ash. I am still amazed how Ash has so many fans around given the amount of her picture forwards I get through mail !!
Was gonna say the same about your reviews, anything-but-lazy-and-everything-but-geek!!
Liked the one you wrote recently on The Terminal.
I’m yet to watch it, so I’ll catch up with you on that soon! 🙂
Already had a prejudice.You have delivered the verdict.
Thanks for saving me from becoming hipy-hopy mady seeing this Hol(e)-Balley syrup.
The movie was good enough to earn 25 Million dollars excluding TV rights and DVD sales. Ash does not suck. The mental attitude of some people suck. The world has appreciated Ash and as some one has written she is indeed the most mailed and famous star of all indians.