This is relevant to a post I made on my movie site recently.
Most of our movies revolve around this.
It happens to most of us. And different people call it by different names. But each word stands for something and is perceived differently by different people.
So here’s my take.
When boy meets girl, there’s different things that happen…
It is kinda tough to label and sorta bracket them with strict definitions, but here’s an attempt…
Lust: When your BODY says go for it, just do it and nothing else matters.
In some parts of the world, this phenomenon is also called Love at first sight… he he!
Infatuation: When your HEART says go for it but MIND says otherwise.
Platonic: When your SOUL falls for it, but BODY plays spoilsport.
(I remember a definition of platonic that goes: the interval between the first meeting and the first kiss)
Arranged relationship (the arranged marriage phenomenon): When your MIND says you can make it work, it’s just perfect and this is the person!
Love: When your HEART, MIND, BODY and SOUL realises and agrees that you are happy just being with this person!
Crush: When something about the person appeals to either your HEART, MIND, BODY or SOUL but you don’t want to do anything about it.
But again, these are just definitions, labels or just words…
Think about that first feeling you got when you were in school, when you were attracted towards a girl/boy for the first time in your life. That to me, is pure unadulterated love. Because, it was unconditional. There was no criteria or thinking behind it all. It was just love.
As we grow older, we start adding the criteria with the pretext of maturity. We give it names and definitions as I have just done.
At the end of the day, it’s just about time and space. The more time and space you spend with one person, the more likely that you are going to be more attached to them and at some point, even fall in love. It’s very scientific at some level. Which is why arranged marriages in India WORK. Two people who spend a lot of time and space together, discover each other and learn to live unconditionally, in spite of what the other person actually is, as he/she is and for what he/she is… even if its ugly, fat, lazy, stupid, evil or exact opposite of what you really wanted in the first place.
It is the will that matters. The resolve. Determination. Add Understanding each other to that and any two people in this world can live with each other. Love is that unconditional being-there-for-the-other element which keeps people together. Which is why best friends make great life partners and great life partners make best friends.
I wudn’t say I’m totally accurate about these observations and it differs from person to person… but yeah, this is wat I think!
So cheers people!
L:)tsa L:)ve,
(Yes, my heart, mind, body and soul is happy to be here)
Your friendly neighbourhood Suderman!
MADRAS INK. 
Heyy..in arranged marriages, there’s more than one mind at work 😉 that of parents,relatives (even the farthest ones)and not to forget the astrologers…and then the guy and then lastly the girl!
Wonderful thoughts and observations Sud..
Loved’em all. Quite accurate.
Not all arranged marriages end up in a happy-happy situations. And..and..not all AMs end up in sad-sad situations. If it has got to do with happiness than LMs and AMs have equal probabilities. But LM simply is “follow your heart” thing. It looks more logical when you are young.
Suderman…more than your posts getting one nostalgic (& distracting when one is ‘trying’ to work & be productive) they are also the ‘oh its so true’ kind! Your writing is from the heart and perhaps thats why they strike a chord with all! Cheers 🙂 Ravi
sab kuch maya hai!!!
Ravi and Vin,
Thanks as always for ur comments guys!
deez!
maya kaun hai? if she’s hot, intro dena! 🙂
and as for my anon friend…
hmmm… i have three words for women who believe in astrologers more than love… die bitch die. 😉
Cheers!
ouch!!!!
gij
well suderman,that was a good post.
but was a bit doubtful abt posting a comment…bcos whatever am going to type will be my viewpoint and i think this post doesn’t expect any of that.:)
but still typing to give u a diff standpoint to think 🙂
i think one phrase that needs to be covered here is “attraction”…this is not love,but just u get attracted to somebody mainly bcos they have the same likings as urs…and i think this is what attributes to our first love in school days…
and i totally agree with ur definition of love at first sight…but unfortunately not many takers are there for this…one fine ex is Titanic.
reg the time and space,it also depends on the person…u can be with one person for a lifetime and still not love him and hate him…
i think many of our arranged marriages still survive by overcoming this factor bcos kids come into picture…and ur focus of life changes towards them and ur spouse’s individuality is no more concern…
All said and done,one thing is very true…as balakumaran says in his novels,in a life time,u love more than one person…:):)
schumi fan!
thanks for that post.
you’ve just one more to the definitions and labels– attraction which u attribute to certain common traits!
but when i spoke about first love, im talking about a much earlier stage in ur life when u just liked someone… for no reason… when u dint know wat it meant, when u dint know why, how and it dint really matter…and for the person he or she is… and unconditionally…
i first liked someone when i was in first grade. rite from the moment i borrowed her sharpener during my admission test to SBOA school. she was taller than me, i was too young to know what love was… she wasn’t perfect to me then… i had nothin in common… yet my life in school revolved around this girl… i have no other memories but of her from school!
but i still liked the girl for something like nine years before she got married. yeah she left school after ninth grade and got married!!
on growing up i have found labels, i can call it a crush or i can call it infatuation or as u say it attraction… to me, all these just sound like labels if i look at it from the point of view of a child… as adults, we all prefer to organise our emotions so as to prioritise them in the context of definitions made by the society, which in turn are a collective conscious of experiences made by a whole majority or chunk of people who make the society… popular or public opinion!
public opinion is a sum of different takes on a issue… sometimes it is public opinion which defines relationships… who is a friend, things you can do with a friend… who is a girlfriend, things u can do with a girlfriend… what is platonic… or wat is lust… wat is indecent behaviour, wat are legitimate relationships (which according to society incl blood relationships like family) and wat are illegitimate relationships…
when we start conforming to a society, we absorb definitions and relationships, or at a subconscious level we ourselves, start defining and forming labels…
in my post, i was just trying to show the irony of it all… today choice of life partner is all governed by criteria… as we grow up, we start calculating, analysing, thinking… as opposed to when we were lil we just loved. Period. no thought, no analysis, no reason. just love.
Now, look at ur mom or dad… they just love. no thought. no analysis. no reason. they just love. unconditionally.
again, by being grown-ups we cud attribute reason to it and say: cuz they gave birth to u… u r an extension of them and so on… but i dont see it that way.
i see it as unconditional love, i do things my mom hates, yet she cares, she shares, she gives. that to me is love.
and thanks again for generating the discussion!
i bet she forgives u too… and that’s a big part of love!!
Hii Sudish
I feel that LMs shud take over AMs atleast from now on.If we go back for like say 50 years, we found that women stayed at home “all the time” and had no way of knowing the eligible bachelors around.So it became the parents’ responsibility to find a partner who can provide financial AND emotional support.
Nowadays, I guess most femmes can take care of their financial needs…all they want is emotional anchor and how the heck can parents find out the “suitable” boy w/o the girl’s inputs??
Kitty
Googe chaps have had their final say on this.
The AdSense box near this post has this directorial touch:
“100% percent Brain Utilization” – which leads to a site called DNA (im)perfection!!
Mebe
MEBE!! My Man! You mean you actually clicked on it!
Hurray! With that click of urs, I guess my earnings wud have now touched $ 0.50… out of 1000 hits to my page, u’re only among the 3rd or 4th guy to hit an ad methinks. i’ve clicked it some 10 times… once everyday! ha ha!
Thanks man!
Cheers!
Daai Maaplai,
What’s happening to You??????
Getting ready for an AM?
You owe me a treat. I made your 1000th page view. It happened at 10.55 p.m. And it happened through my new Airtel Broadband connection.
Cheers.
Sud..nice to see that comments on ur blog are themselves becoming larger posts. That’s the kind of conversation you get out of blogs.
Cheers
that was a good point suderman,nowadays there are too many preconditions to be met b4 we decide to fall in love or even think about love for a person…
hi anonymous kitty,
believe me that’s a nightmare every femme of this age has…:)