This post was born out of something I once posted as a comment in my buddy’s blog.
Maybe I made it sound too light then talking to him the way I always do. But I guess it had to be different here, cuz I’m pretty sure it aint that simple for many reading this. So here it is again, just a lil more sensitive I hope! 😀
My buddy was going through a break up of sorts after a long relationship and a lil disillusioned with the way it ended when I told him:
“It’s not important what she says, it’s always about why she says what she says… the WHAT might hurt, the WHY may not always!
I’d like to believe she said that to make it easy for both of you!
As cheesy as it may sound, to get a neat slice of pizza, you need to cut tough, just to ensure the cheese doesn’t get messy and pull the other slice along while u help yourself.
Cut it fine. And cut it hard. Just a matter of time before you master the art of cutting it off, clinically, surgically, routinely, like it is just some pizza: cheesy is fine, dont make it messy.”
I remember one of the most important lessons I learnt in life was from Prahlad Kakkar, during a half-hour long interaction with him over lunch a few years ago when he came to talk on Creativity at an advertising seminar.
“It is very important to know when to let go,” he said. “It’s like learning horse-riding. You are bound to fall, but wisdom lies in knowing when to let go… If you don’t free your feet in time, the horse will drag you along.”
Letting go is one of the most difficult things to do but among the most important thing too, when you do fall off that horse called relationship.
When exactly do you let go? When do you know it wont work anymore, asked a friend reading my post.
There are always two types of situations when it comes to a relationship not working. A temporary crisis or a permanent crisis. A temporary conflict can be solved with time and space. A permanent crisis has no solutions whatsoever.
A temporary conflict spells: Not now.
A permanent one spells: Never ever.
A temporary conflict has solutions apart from time and space. You can talk it out, resolve differences or do everything there is, to make it work.
When none of that helps, and when ‘Not now’ turns to ‘Never ever,’ it is a sure indication it is time to let go. More so, when the reasons are beyond your control.
It is the biggest act of love to let her go because though it will be difficult for the both of you now, time will prove that it was the best thing to happen.
Also, till you set her free, you really don’t know if she was meant to come back to you. If you are too insecure, you could hold tight on but the unresolved issues that kept you away will keep showing their ugly head again and again.
Closing your eyes and holding on is being in denial. When you wake up to see how long the horse has dragged you, the pain will hit you dramatically.
What would you rather do? Let your loved one find the happiness she deserves by setting her free? Or have her suffer with you, thinking about the impending separation everyday.
I remember a conversation I had with a friend a while ago. What is the difference between ‘Not Now’ and ‘Never Ever’ really, she asked.
It’s a difference between life and death, I told her.
‘Not Now’ is symbolic of life itself with the hope that comes along with it. That death isn’t coming today or tomorrow… it will come some day, we don’t know when.
‘Never Ever’ spells instant death of a relationship.
There are some people you cannot see yourself with, ever. Even if you do like them. So when you know it’s Never Ever, it’s time to let go and move on.
When it’s ‘Not Now,’ give it time and space. There is always hope. It’s not an incurable malady after all.
Which brings me to the short story I wrote recently. I did not expect a whole bunch of people to assume it’s autobiographical. It isn’t. But I guess people do tend to think that way when they find an intense story in a personal blog.
“You mean you won’t do what the warrior did if you faced a similar situation,” asked a friend.
“Certainly not,” I told him. “It only works in a story, not in reality. It’s cool to watch a hero die in a movie. It aint that cool when you have to be the guy who’s dying.”
I’m afraid even ‘That Four Letter Word’ will be like that too. It aint autobiographical, though we did start writing it based on real people.
Because, people don’t go watch romantic comedies to find realism and brutality of everyday life. They go to movies to find some sort of gratification of their personal desires, dreams and aspirations.
Related reading:
The need to know when to STOP.
MADRAS INK. 
Vanilla sky is one heck of a movie!! i liked it 🙂
Wah Wah janaab!!
“Kadhal unnum Kadavul illai ya da…intha yezhavu ellam hormones seyyum kalangam thana da..” — Watcha say??
for the re-edited — Firstly, thanks sud for the larger font. In “Not Now”, as u say, it gives you life…but ultimately, it’s Death rite? And, jus biding the time waiting for Death happens…but probs is when it ultimately hits you, it hits you real hard. So is “Never Ever” better than “Not Now”? Is Death better than Life? Pretty confusing..
Sudhish
I agree with what you said but you know sometimes when you set your loved one free with the belief that he/she would come back to you after sometime it so happens that she/he comes back at the time when you have made up your mind to MOVE ON. Imagine the person’s plight/misery. I have come across many people who have had such experiences. Unfortunately it causes more grief to the person who set his/her loved one free in the first place…Hmm…relationships are complex ya !
I read the shoulder story of urs and liked it a LOT not coz .. i assumed it was autobiographical… but coz there was something nice and genuine about it… Well yes , I guess people need to move on but like anusha said relationships aint that easy!
So am just about Curious– are the Not Nows Worth it?
AG
machi! Had a ball reading all your prank posts! And guess what..this Anirvan happens to be a junior from my hostel! Yeah..you know what they say about all us IITian guys! lol..
well all i can say is “true” cos the rest is al said in ur blog. and most of us no dat cos dats d horse all of us have fallen of. and well atleast it makes the rest of the ride easier 4 us..;)
hi sudish…
Nice post…it really makes sense…We fail to understand that wat is happening now with the relationship might be assumed as a disaster..but later we will realize that it was the best thing to happen in our life..Ur pharse of “not now” and “never ever” was very good…kudos
outlaw:
That’s the surest way to be my friend! Liking that movie… I love it, it talks to me all the time.
ramya:
😀
RIM:
the answer to your question depends on your outlook towards life itself… do you live everyday waiting for death? or do you embrace it like there’s no tomorrow.
anusha:
right person+wrong time=wrong person. I just said that in my new post. Thought it was most apt to your comment…
AG:
Are Not-nows worth it? Again, it depends on how you see life… Do you like to take risks? There is a price we need to pay for everything… what can you pay?
sudhon:
ha ha!
confused not obsessed:
and some of us have made it a habit! 🙂
sai:
thank you sai… Any more comments from people like you and I might actually get working on that book! 😀