Cast: Mahima Chaudhary’s, Kiran Rathod’s, Gulshan Grover, Padmini Kolhapure
Director: Karan Razdan
Genre: Adult-Drama (Matter movie with no matter)
Storyline: A young MBA graduate comes home bored to have affairs with a bored housewife and her step daughter, after seeing them in fashionable bikinis, only to find himself at Gulshan Grover’s gun-point.
Bottomline: Titillating torture.
Contrary to popular opinion, ‘Souten’ can be seen by huge groups of people.
1. Avengers: If you have ever been conned into watching a bad film, this is your chance for a tit for tat. Or more. Buy your enemy a ticket to ‘Souten’ and get set for a great murder mystery. Either he dies in the torture chamber under mysterious circumstances, or, gets out and you die under equally mysterious circumstances.
2. Tourists: It showcases Rajasthan with the sand dunes in the desert, palatial buildings, camels and modern Indian royalty. And also gives Frommers a tip or two on how to board the regular British Airways flight from the desert to Goa (as shown twice in the film). Thrown in for a bonus, is a beautiful view of Pakistan, as Mahima Chaudhary, playing bored housewife, who also freelances as friend, philosopher, guide and ‘souten,’ points out to some random actor you won’t bother identifying, who for some reason, also happens to be the ‘hero’ of the film.
3. Designers: As a precursor to the The Lakme Fashion Week, ‘Souten’ also presents an exotic collection of well-weathered bikinis for all seasons. A golden bikini does an item number as Mahima cavorts in desert sand, almost reprising her cleavage-obsessed role in ‘Home Delivery’ and this time around, not spoofing it. Once you’re familiar with bikinis used as desert-wear, Kiran introduces you to the Baywatch variety, emerging out of the sea in a deep pink transparent piece that, like Navjot Singh Siddhu once said about statistics and bikinis, reveals more than what it hides.
4. Shrinks: What makes people so mentally challenged that they write scripts like this one: A story of a boy scoring with a young step-mom and her step-daughter, both times falling in bikini-induced ‘love,’ after seizing the initiative himself and later pleading innocence. Yes, it’s his idea to sleep with the married woman and later her daughter, so what makes him the hero who deserves the girl and you’re supposed to feel sorry for him? What makes people sign up for regressive trash in the garb of contemporary love stories? Worse, what makes someone produce it? Just the fact that the filmmaker called it ‘Souten’? Or because the Tak family has committed itself to producing a series of ‘Souten’-based movies?
5. Obsessive compulsive depressive, near suicidal, pessimists: That one scene when Mahima Chaudhary breaks into a flashback to talk about her first love is a riot, guaranteed to make even Mona Lisa come alive — roll on to the floor and die — all laughing. In a Hitchcockian guest appearance, one suspects, Karan Razdan incognito, sporting thick make-up, a cap, huge glasses and a sports jacket (looking quite like Invisible Man, clothed), rides off the cliff by the beach, distracted by Mahima’s jhatkas, probably missing to see the ‘Dangerous Curves ahead’ board, in the briefest and funniest flashback sequence in the history of Indian cinema. Even if you don’t find it funny, you will at least find an innovative way to die.
6. Frontbenchers: The movie is such a yawn that probably even the Censors slept through it. And thank God for that. So we have what FTV and Midnight Masala shows past midnight, featuring our own mainstream actresses. Full paisa vasool, boss.
7. Wannabe directors: If Karan Razdan can find producers and have three films ready for release this season, there is plenty of scope for you. Suddenly the world seems to be a kind place to live in.
8. The bored: You won’t find a better stress-BUSTer.
Be warned. The movie has absolutely no matter scenes, which is why it doesn’t even work as a porn flick. It’s a plain, simple boob show. Mahima is hoping someone would sign her for her face-value and acting prowess the next time around and good old Kiran doesn’t seem to mind flaunting it at all. She has lost tonnes of fat since ‘Gemini’.
And man, aint she looking hawt or what!