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Will this guy ever get laid?

October 28, 2006 · by sudhishkamath


Having never ever met him, I had always wondered how can one person be so utterly jobless. And not just jobless, but idle to the point of visiting blogs that make him puke and quite regularly at that. After all, it’s not like we have him read our blogs with a gun to his head.

I missed the chance to spit at him at the Blog Camp cuz I was out of town. I totally envied all those who had an opportunity to, even if it was over IRC.

My readers were kind enough to send me updates of a coupla sites dedicated to him (read this and this) and that’s when I first got a glimpse of what the creature looked like. Good God, how was he ever gonna get laid?

We all know his real self through his puke-pot and by now, also know how worthy his life and self really is. The only thing that would’ve helped him score would have been a half-decent personality. But then, God decided to f*ck him over in that department too.

And then, a few weeks ago, I saw it trying to cross the road at the Anna Salai-Cenotaph Road junction. As we waited for the signal to go green, laughing at the idiot, my girlfriend and me contemplated buying a rotten egg and giving him his due. But then, we thought again.

Life was unfair. I mean he was just another mediocre guy trying hard to get everyone’s attention. Even if it meant that the only way people would know him was by hating him. And there he was, crossing the road, like a balding leper, as effeminate as the girl he was walking with and looking every bit the personification of puke that he is so full of.

Oh, the girl. I doubt if he has any chance with her. Though she wasn’t a looker by any standards, she was at least dressed better than him. I felt a little sorry for the chap.

Nilakantan Rajaraman would’ve looked like a dirty urchin with a little more hair on his head, a pedestrian you would hardly notice, and who would have imagined that this was the guy who was sitting and typing away bytes and bytes from the psych ward of juvenile delinquents just because he had access to the internet.

He doesn’t have a job (I mean who would employ him without coming across the puke-pot he calls a blog).

He doesn’t have a life (I haven’t had the chance to blog much these days. And the day I do, I find him visiting me again).

He doesn’t have a girl (Maybe it’s time he came out of the closet and found himself a boy. Might help him get laid and a life subsequently.)

He doesn’t have a half-decent face he can show people.

For God’s sake, he doesn’t even have hair to pluck on his own.

But you know what, I have to admit something here. No matter how hard we try, it is impossible for me or anybody to make an ass out of Nilu.

There’s just one person who has had that pleasure. The naughty Almighty should’nt have crossed a chimpanzee with a donkey, no?

PJ: Oh yes, in case you still haven’t figured that out… What do you get when you cross a chimpanzee with a donkey?

A panzy ass. Nilu, what else.

Post script: You can actually vote if you approve of this post. Else, there’s another post there that says I deserve a stinking fart. Now, this is entertaining. Too bad Nilu thinks it’s not funny anymore.

* * *
Updated:
Since this post has now made it to the top of Google search against his name, I thought it’s only fair the world knows what goes on in Nilakantan’s perverted mind and what prompted such a rude post from the usually friendly neighbourhood Suderman! πŸ™‚
I started digging his archives from May because I distinctly remember some extremely twisted thoughts he posted around the last time I kicked his ass. By the time I got to July, I found at least a dozen posts. If you dig posts written by an absolutely demented soul, Nilu’s blog is a goldmine. If you want to employ him or date him (both rather unlikely), take a sneak peek into his blog .
It all started when some of my friends who hadn’t heard of Nilu thought I was being cruel and wicked. I wanted to show them a sample of his writing, give them a glimpse into his mind. And when I did that, it occured to one of them that we could get Nilakantan Rajaraman (author of TheMaanga.blogspot.com) arrested for pornography, especially since he’s in Chennai now.
If you know legal experts, do show them these posts authored by Nilakantan Rajaraman: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11.
You may also read up on IPC Section 292 (sale, distribution, public exhibition of an obscene object), IPC Section 294 (obscene acts, songs in public place causing annoyance to public) and Section 67 of the Information Technology Act 2000 (publishing obscene information in electronic form).
Post Script: Before some wise souls come forward to argue that my blog is obscene too, I would like them to look up the dictionary for: Profanity and Pornography.

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  1. Anonymous
    October 28, 2006 Reply

    Hi Sudhish,
    read ur blog about the no reason hater of yours. I dont think its a coincidence that he kept his blogname as themaanga. I can come up with so much of punchlines for it and yet it wont be sufficient…my try on it.

    1.He is mangy (as reffered to sori nai) probably because he tried to have sex with a sori nai and suceeded once, since he could not find a girl, guy or any nearby ancestors to man like the primates. Infact u insulted
    the primate family by linking him to the chimp.
    2. His head looks like a sapi ponna maanga kottai ( the seed of a mango after u are done with it).
    probably he is closely related to the plant family too, I mean like him trying to have sex with a mango tree..
    3.He is the only person in the world who knows he is a “maanga madaiyan”.

    Infact his original name also rhymes with a lot of things, probably thats the reason he could not use it for the blog..
    some suggestions here…
    nilu the poolu
    blue pussy (not to be confused with octopussy)
    nilu vitta olu
    I am nilu – I have a useless poolu
    recursive hypochondriac
    recursive balding

    some other activities he can do with his skills –
    write a book on how to lose hair when you lose ur brain.
    start pukipedia
    write a sequel to that book “how to lose hair and ur brain and look uglier”
    start a tv series “the bald and the booty-less”
    act direct and produce his own flop movie “the wood, the bald and the ugly” all adjectives here.

    I think this is what happened to nilu…
    He tried to do hair reconstructive surgery as he found he was going bald, but puked on the doctor, so the angry doctor used nilu’s pubic hair on his head. While doing so the doctor also removed Nilu’s poolu…and nuts, and put 2 mango seeds there. So the mango fool (or pool whatever you want to say)..started a blog dedicated to his dead nuts which also have stiking similarity to his head…

  2. Suderman
    October 29, 2006 Reply

    anon:
    rofl… now, that’s funny.im sure you ll find nilu coming up with another lol msg somewhere down here pretending he’s amused. he ll also get a couple of his sympathisers to post comments and if that fails too, he ll post as anonymous.
    p.s: i think i know who u are. the sapi pona maanga kottai is a giveaway! πŸ˜‰

  3. Kausar
    October 29, 2006 Reply

    MY GOD! What’s up with all this hatred for a guy’s looks? Blame God for it! Why blame the guy for looks he had no say on choosing? I don’t know about his personality and such stuff. But seriously, dude, what the hell is all that ‘how’s he going to get laid?’ stuff? Your, your girlfriend’s and this anonymous’ pure hatred for a guy’s looks is deplorable.

  4. Suderman
    October 29, 2006 Reply

    kausar:
    thank u for your criticism. πŸ™‚

  5. Anonymous
    October 29, 2006 Reply

    Hi Sudhish,

    Honestly, I feel it’s really immature of you to abuse someone by his looks. Maybe the guy is an asshole and all, but there are a 100 other ways he could be deplored.

    You should ideally be ignoring these mices and going ahead with life.

    ok, not that you need my advice! πŸ™‚

  6. Karthik.H
    October 29, 2006 Reply

    another collateral damage for our very own maanga idiot…but u gotto giv it to him…no matter how many times he’s been thrown down the drain…he manages to come up sucessfully…

    but due credit for our suderman for the sooper kalai…esp the panzy ass…

  7. Suderman
    October 29, 2006 Reply

    anon:
    i abused his personality on the whole, not just the looks… πŸ™‚ for more, you can dig his archives and see if a parasite like that who lives off other people’s blogs/lives deserves to live in the first place.
    btw, mice is plural, mices might prompt nilu to puke all over you because bad grammar is reason enuff for him to abuse people.
    look at it this way… he makes fun of people saying they are all idiots, i make fun of him saying he is an idiot and that he’s ugly. he discriminates on the basis of intelligence/grammar, i discriminate on the basis of his personality as a whole… not just the looks!

  8. Suderman
    October 29, 2006 Reply

    karthik h.
    He’s a cockroach (actually im not sure if cock is appropriate to refer to him). throwing him in the gutter isn’t gonna kill him, it only helps him feel at home… it’s his natural habitat! i just did him a favour. he wants to be hated, he wants his ass kicked… and i obliged doing what i do best. πŸ™‚

  9. Suderman
    October 29, 2006 Reply

    Oh, and also:
    I never said im not immature. there’s a child in all of us. I just bring it out when i want to tie tins to the mangy dog’s tail…

  10. avronea
    October 29, 2006 Reply

    the post was downright mean. whatever the guy does/has been doing, did you really need to write this???

  11. Anonymous
    October 30, 2006 Reply

    Sudhish,
    i enjoy your blog.. but i have to agree with Kausar on this post. Making fun of a person’s looks , is like making fun of his creator God. if we had choices, we would have all looked like male modles, and also i see an underlying hatred for gay people, which also looks very mean.

  12. Anonymous
    October 30, 2006 Reply

    After reading this, I wonder who the bigger loser is! bah! You suck dude..big time.

    -Anshu

  13. Anonymous
    October 30, 2006 Reply

    You say Lage Raho Munna Bhai is a wonderful movie and inspirational and all, but going by your outbursts you don’t seem to be influenced by any of the Gandhigiri values the movie proclaims!

  14. Anonymous
    October 30, 2006 Reply

    Dunno much about him…but maybe we should make him wait for an interview with Ash Rai:D!! – S.

  15. Suderman
    October 30, 2006 Reply

    avronea:
    it was intended to be mean. a taste of his own medicine. only stronger. well, to tell you the truth, i was very bored.

    anonymous:
    you just endorsed my view that he’s ugly. so have an equal share in making fun of him. and i dont have anything against gay people. where did u get that?

    anshu:
    awwwww… that’s such a sweet thing to do for your lover… πŸ™‚

    anonymous:
    one brownie point to u. and i strongly urge u to follow Gandhian ideals with Nilu and meet me when you’re done. it is people like Nilu who make you adore Hitler. having said that, Lage Raho Munnabhai is still a fantastic movie and inspires people to understand gandhian ideals. dealing with pests however is covered by a department called pest and vector control and not under Gandhigiri. πŸ™‚

    anonymous:
    if u dunno abt him, you are better off skipping this post! πŸ™‚

  16. Anonymous
    October 30, 2006 Reply

    Sudhish, you are an utterly immature, tasteless, classless, despicable ass

  17. Anonymous
    October 30, 2006 Reply

    Now i understand why the Maanga guy is so desperate to seek attention. It’s a pity some of sidekicks lick him to get spared of his puke. The maanga and his wannabe self-appointed blog regulators… please get a life!

  18. Suderman
    October 30, 2006 Reply

    anon who called me immature, tasteless, classless, despicable ass:

    he he! thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou (humble thalaivar style thanks)

    anon who kicked the above anon’s ass:
    πŸ™‚ the funny thing here is nilu himself wud be amused at the attempts of his supporters… they are making him sound like a victim… dunno how much nilu likes that! he he!

  19. Anonymous
    October 30, 2006 Reply

    people in glass houses shouldnt throw stones..

    PS: I assume the photo on the right is YOUR photo.

  20. ihatemangoes
    October 31, 2006 Reply

    what is wrong with people, why are they supporting an ugly guy who only likes to puke and find grammatical mistakes? I dont understand why are other anons posting “FOR” the maanga. Do so many people like to be like him? Whats wrong in making fun of a person’s look or personality when he can make fun of others writing and work..An example has to be made, I assume whoever supporting him is also ugly…and the last anon, I assume u are the maanga or the dog he had sex with..as for ur proverb’s – birds of a flock fly together…and I think sudhish lives in bullet proof glass πŸ™‚ even if he is living in a glass house….seriously .. you have to get ur eyes checked..(so much for a comment about glass houses – you need eye glasses first)
    as for the other anons I ask you this…what if a guy wantedly pukes on you..I mean literally…I would slap the guy..call him names and if he is ugly make fun of his ugliness…I think sudhish just did that…

  21. Surya
    October 31, 2006 Reply

    Sudish,
    I visit your blog whenever i can, but never left comments. he might be the most hated blogger, he has abused many and vice versa, i think your silence would have been the best answer, instead of drawing into a conflict. Maybe there are a still a few things that you can learn from Kiruba.

  22. Nilu
    October 31, 2006 Reply

    I am not sure why, but individual links to the comments are not working. Have a look.

  23. Suderman
    October 31, 2006 Reply

    the anon with the glass houses comment:
    lol! funny…

    ihatemangoes:
    some of the anons are probably just him… but issokay, a victim deserves all the support he can gather…

    surya:
    i do ignore the pest 3 out of 4 times cuz i have better things to do. with the monsoon setting in, there’s very lil work at hand… my film too is slated only for a dec premiere. got plenty of time on hand… so thot ill have a lil fun. and hey, if it works for kiruba, good… it doesnt work for me. there are many other things i can learn from kiruba though. πŸ™‚

    nilu:
    I see your post is a desperately futile attempt to sound profound. read the seventh comment from top. its me saying pretty much what ihatemangoes said. u’re going blind too i see. and the thing about things anger does, is plagiarism… thats what i said about u the last time i kicked ur ass… aah! you are losing your memory cells along with ur hair i see…

  24. karthik
    October 31, 2006 Reply

    i think you have already done enuf damage …what happ this time to make you write this one…..harder….
    πŸ™‚

  25. Nilu
    October 31, 2006 Reply

    I am sure you are right. But do have a look at that comments permalink.

  26. Subhash
    October 31, 2006 Reply

    Sudish,
    It’s a good attempt to get back traffic from Nilu’s blog. Hurray!, way to go man.

    And to state the obvious, he writes much better than you do.

  27. sabhash
    October 31, 2006 Reply

    dude you raped him.
    can i vote 3 times?

  28. Anonymous
    October 31, 2006 Reply

    absolutely disgusting, tasteless, mindless vitriol. and what’s more appalling than your blue green algae-level IQ is that you have found someone to whoz pro’lly willing to have your children!

  29. Surya
    October 31, 2006 Reply

    Well, All the Best πŸ™‚

  30. Anonymous
    October 31, 2006 Reply

    Blogcamp would have rocked more with your presence;)
    I was LMAO after reading this co-comment “stop this DAV vs PSBB fight ….” after a decade u guys passed out of school!

  31. Anonymous
    October 31, 2006 Reply

    looks like he’s got to you “big time” dude..

    frankly, you should take it easy and proabably get back to him by commenting back on one of his entries..

    don’t think mud slinging’s gonna help..

    it’s just makin you look bad..

    of course, the choice is urs ..;-)

  32. Suderman
    October 31, 2006 Reply

    karthik:
    boredom. plenty of time at hand. πŸ™‚

    nilu:
    mmmhmm… And would you like fries with that Sir?

    subhash:
    yeah dude… everytime i kick his ass, i get a 1000 hits in a day! why wont i kick his ass? πŸ™‚
    and by the way dude, how does it work? do u suck or he does that for you?

    sabhash:
    please. im not sure about rape. i thot i just kicked his ass man. peace.

    anon who spoke about algaes IQ:
    echoos me, how you know iq level of blue green algae saar? πŸ™‚

    surya:
    thank you

    ramanujam:
    i know. i SO missed the chance! dude, did u know what happens when you google his name? almost all links on the first page reveal to the world what a big loser he is. im tempted to link here to some of his most perverted posts but i dont wanna be arrested for pornography (something we can get him booked for, if my crime reporter’s right!)

    anonymous (the agony uncle above this):
    does it look like im the kind who’s fighting for a halo above my head or a medal on my chest? i dont wanna be good my brother. i dont mind the bad boy tag as long as i get to have a lil fun… and you kidding? u think ill even acknowledge his other puke-worthy entries with a response?
    given how seriously im replying to a faceless turd like you, you should by now have a fair idea of how much time i have at my hand. πŸ™‚

  33. Anonymous
    November 1, 2006 Reply

    Surprised to know how a reporter like you could stoop so low. You are only making an ass of yourself trying people to go to the other guys site and check the crap he has written. Sorry, we aren’t interested.

    As someone mentioned in the comments, Kiruba is an example in these matters.

    Hope you stop being the remote control of another guy! Or you’ll be just another writer with no self-control.

  34. supporter
    November 1, 2006 Reply

    suderman, the number of anonymous comments for this post is not funny. maybe you shouldn’t waste time replying to such people. it’s probably just nilu.
    and those posts are disgusting.

  35. Suderman
    November 1, 2006 Reply

    anonymous@who isnt interested in reading crap:
    “Hope you stop being the remote control of another guy! “
    and what are you trying to do here, Sir?
    there’s another post above this that links to another blog and there are n other links on the sidebar, if you wanted to read something useful, you wouldve found your way there instead of wasting your time here.

    supporter:
    well, you are anonymous too, my friend.

  36. Nisha
    November 1, 2006 Reply

    All the anons who’ve thought your blog was mean to nasty to despicable to childish, bloody reek of Nilu. Let’s beat the fugly bastard up.
    I’m bored.

  37. Vasanth
    November 1, 2006 Reply

    That Nilu cock sucker lives next door to me dude. I think he’s humping my dog.

  38. sushil
    November 1, 2006 Reply

    After reading Nilu’s wannabe-literary-porno posts what I’ve found is
    a) He has a vagina
    b) He licked his cousin’s cunt.
    c) He wants to suck your dick. No, really! He posted that as an anonymous comment. Awwww..he’s just a boy who has a crush on you.

  39. IDontHaveABloggerIDandAmLazyToCreateOne
    November 1, 2006 Reply

    Sudhish!!

    V for Vendetta man!!! He’s Ruined! Holy shit… I dont know what I’d do if I were Nilu!! Drop dead maybe??!

    Having said that… do you realize what u’re doing? I have a conspiracy theory..

    “Nilu came back to India having failed in his degree… and wanting to get into the Tamil movie industry… He hires Sudhish as his Publicity guy… and viola… this guy’s like a star now… and is on line waiting for a villian/antihero role in a major studio flick.”

    Wow.. I am good… I guess I can start writing the story for ur next flick Sud’man…

    Oh.. and BTW.. when’s ur review out on Vallavan? I dunno if I shud like the Damn movie or not… or if it was the expectations due to the overtly high hype generated for it.

  40. Suderman
    November 1, 2006 Reply

    nisha:
    you cant flog a dead horse… and this one’s just a panzy ass… the only beating he ll like is when you spank it… you’ll need a moustache though!
    πŸ™‚

    vasanth:
    ooh… but wait, did u say Dog? as in masculine? oh yeah, i should’ve known!

    sushil:
    well, going by his latest post, he’s on a hiatus and gonna try “something new”… may God save the bulls and buffaloes in his area! (cows dont need to worry cuz they are the female of the species)… looks like someone’s retiring hurt.

    idonthaveabloggeridandtoolazytocreateone:
    you arent as lazy as you think to come up with that big a name. and whats with all the anonymous comments seriously?
    well, dude… villain is a BIG name for a pest. he’s a pest and he’s gone away for 15 days.
    about vallavan. i have two words for it. both unmentionable.

  41. Anonymous
    November 1, 2006 Reply

    dear anonymous above me,
    there is a fundamental difference between what you’re doing and what suderman is doing.
    you are a faceless fuck. who cares what you think! πŸ™‚

  42. suriyafan
    November 1, 2006 Reply

    suderman, please ban anonymous comments.
    πŸ˜€
    imagine what sort of ugly losers post without names or blog links…

  43. Anonymous
    November 1, 2006 Reply

    and to suriya fan..ppl dont leave their name in this blog cuz they get trashed if they anything -ve about the post or blog owner…better be an anon here

  44. avronea
    November 1, 2006 Reply

    hey thanks for the movie list πŸ™‚ ! will do it sometime. for now just taking a break and going to bombay for a bit πŸ˜€

    and i read some of the stuff the dude’s written but still think your post is mean.

  45. Suderman
    November 1, 2006 Reply

    lol! now anonymous guys are going for each others throats!!!
    this is funny. chillax guys!
    the guy who’s doing most of the thrashing is me.
    the guy getting thrashed is nilu. you guys just came to watch this, right? then why fight between yourselves?
    πŸ™‚
    and anymore exchanges and ill have you all kicked out. im the boss here, boys!

    avronea:
    i dint say my post wasnt mean. it was meant to be mean. the idea was to explain the context. after all, there’s a difference between an innocent man sent to the gallows and a pest being exterminated.

  46. GA
    November 1, 2006 Reply

    The guy is sick! Dont know if ur post is right or not, but this guy defly needs to see a shrink and be banned from bloggin!

  47. Doctor
    November 2, 2006 Reply

    Mr. Sudhish Kamth, I’d like to bring to your notice that my patient, Nilakantan Rajaraman, is just recovering from a sex change operation This is a very ttraumatic time for him and posts such as these are making him want to jump out of the window.
    Please continue writing such stuff. His room’s on the 6th floor.

  48. Ambar
    November 2, 2006 Reply

    And when I did that, it occured to one of them that we could get Nilakantan Rajaraman (author of TheMaanga.blogspot.com) arrested for pornography, especially since he’s in Chennai now.

    Was this part really necessary? Carrying on this futile feud online is one thing, but actually threatening real-world legal action? Seriously, did your brain just decide to ignore the parts related to freedom of speech?

  49. Suderman
    November 3, 2006 Reply

    ambar:
    im not sure if your brain has read Article 19 entirely.
    freedom of speech and expression comes with reasonable restrictions and these restrictions include obscenity (pornography and distribution is covered under obscenity).
    read the sections more and your brain might understand what article 19 provides and what it doesnt.
    btw, i got better work than getting him arrested.
    but yeah, if those links i provided are still active and found by cyber crime cell, he could be arrested.

  50. Ambar
    November 4, 2006 Reply

    So you stick to the mad mullah and the RSS/VHP definition of freedom of speech.

  51. Suderman
    November 4, 2006 Reply

    ambar:
    no dude. just the constitution version. not sure if you’ve read it. could pass on a few supreme court judgements to validate it if you’re interested…
    πŸ™‚
    cheers!

  52. Anonymous
    November 14, 2006 Reply

    Hi Sudhish- Just came across your post on Nilu and I must say, you do not know him at all!!! Why do you have this prejudice I do not understand!! One, its just totally wrong to jusde a person by their looks and two, not all his posts are about pornography!!! and I must ask- why are you so obsessed with PORN?????!!!!

  53. Anonymous
    February 8, 2007 Reply

    If anyone wants to file a complaint against Nilu with the Cyber Crime dept, you can use the following information

    NILAKANTAN RAJARAMAN
    #16, Vivekananda Nagar,
    Nesapakkam, Chennai – 600078
    Phone : 91-44-24743942
    Email : nilakar@gmail.com

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