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Tashan: The Englis The Tution The Star-vation
(Phor extra-reading plesar, read “tion” as “sun” and “f” sounds with “ph”)
In the backside of every Hindi “fillum,” there is a “pharmoola.”
Underwear Indian, bathroom western but business inside is about toilet paper and inspiration.
Pardon the Phlavour, but Hindi fillums out of Yash Raj are smelling like morning ablution. There’s always a sitting, a loud hearing and then, there is a release.
Tashan is like that wonly.
I knowing Tashan is tribute to pharmoola fillums of Ballywood. But by God, right intention but loses direction. Many nice situation but not holding attention. Reason: Déjà vu and John Woo ishtyle. We seen that, done that. We also having DVD player. We have slow motion button on remote control. Mastana (Naseeruddin Shah) in Bombay Boys ispeaking Englis like this also.
So what is new in Tashan? Introduction… Bindaas half-a-first scene (until the car goes off the cliff in cartoon effect) intercutting between Kabhi Kabhi Mere Dil Main and Highway to Hell, muchos nothing. By nothing, I talking about Kareena Kaboob in and as beach bums in neech bikini. Zero per cent fat, 80 per cent cleavage, 100 per cent mileage, no wastage of her footage. The bigger size the movie, the smaller size the costume.
Today children seeing what we earlier finding only in James Bonda movies. How things have changed far better or worse. Anil Kapoor was hairy-chested Lakhan in Ram Lakhan. Now Lakhan Singh in transparent vest hiding his shaved boobies in Tashan. In movies today, no matter hero or heroine, you need to wax chest more than eloquence.
To tell more about story in briefs… Saif Ali Khan after much talking to camera, forgets continuity of biker moochen, and tells us he got into the situation because he agreed to take Englis tution for Bhaiyyaji, not knowing that he was actually being used and double crossed by cheatercock bikini bitch. How? Because screenwriter-director mistakes Call Centre to be Telephone Exchange.
Finding this logic, Saif Ali Khan runs out of shooting set but camera follows. And, Bhaiyyaji calling Ganga Kinaare Waala.
Enter Akshay Kumar with double surname: Bachchan Pande as Ravan with shades, beating writer for corny dialoguebaazi. “Ramayan was written by Tulsidas. I only writing screenplay,” argues writer. Understanding? Yes, pharmoola of Hindi fillums was written by Salim-Javed. Vijay Krishna Acharya wonly recycling pharmoola, pleading innocence?
Bledy Nonsense.
Hindi cinema heroine has no common sense. Even if she cheatercock, she tell truth about next destination: phather’s last rites in Haridwar. Khiladi and Anari go on road trip again to cut back to bindaas first scene… setting stage for interval with girl in between triangle.
Everything is from the Ballywood book of pharmoola (From Don to Deewar to Kala Pathar to Ram Lakhan to Mr. India to Main Khiladi Tu Anadi) but underwear, look and pheel of the fillum is Hollywood. Like Jimmy saying, in our Hindi fillum, we have a song for everything.
All elements of pharmoola you will find in Tashan. But no soul, only villain who is asshole. Like all the fillums, villain has big den with water-stream running for motor-boat stunts and machine guns only for showing, strictly not for using during climax action. Also if they fire gun, they all must miss or what is the fun?
By God, Saif is uper-cool, Kareena sooper-hot, Anil what-not and Akshay all heart. Apart from these four, it is a wild bore. But the kitschy look, the dhinchak music, the naach-gaana, the Englis ka bajaana, Kareena’s trip to the cabana and the occasional line-marna (especially the proposal to bend like Beckham) makes Tashan an alternative in these times of starvation. Expect nothing. Get more.
MADRAS INK. 