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Updated: He says, she says
Yeah, Men are lazy to update blogs. But what do you call women who don’t even maintain them?
This is just to let our regulars know that our He Says She Says column has been updated online. Should a man dance or be content doing the chance pe dance? Should a man use pick up lines? Or does she really need to be picked up?
Review: Zathura
When kids smoke up
Cast: Jonah Bobo, Josh Hutcherson, Dax Shepard, Kristen Stewart, Tim Robbins
Director: Jon Favreau
Genre: Space adventure
Storyline: Siblings find themselves inside a Space adventure game called Zathura, as their house ejects out to space and the only way they can return is by completing the game.
Bottomline: Kids on drugs could conjure up bizarre fantasies.
Seems like Hollywood has conducted some sort of a focus-group experiment.
That goes something like this.
Take 100 kids, comprising of siblings at war and best friends, a good mix of guys and girls. Lock them all in a room and let hash in through the air conditioner. For best effects, put well-read imaginative kids into that room.
Once they’ve smoked up enough, ask them to describe their fantasies. Have a screenwriter talk to them and get them to describe where they went and what they saw. Get a visual effects guy to talk to them and find out what the creatures they saw, looked like. If that isn’t bizarre enough, put them on pot too.
What happened after, went something like this.
Almost all kids reported going to some strange place, finding funny-looking friends and monsters on a munch-fest, and soon enough learnt that they were the chosen ones, to slay monsters and save the world. In no time, they found they could do horse-riding, mountain-climbing, sword-fighting and were suddenly strong enough to lead the fight against evil.
The focus group experiment lead to the following movies.
The kids who were J.R.R.Tolkien fans helped Peter Jackson make ‘The Lord of the Rings.’
Kids who were J.K.Rowling addicts helped in the making of the Harry Potter series, as the experiments with pot continue for the forthcoming films in the franchise.
Kids who grew up on C.S.Lewis came up with the script for ‘The Chronicles of Narnia,’ after they tried escaping the room through the cupboard, only to find that the impact of the air-conditioner was strongest there. Strong enough for them to see the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.
Those who didn’t read enough, recycled an old film (Jumanji) with what they remembered from Star Trek and came up with ‘Zathura,’ with a little help from the gaming addicts, who came up with the plot points derived from a computer game. (Trivia: Zathura is based on a book written by Chris Van Allsburg, the author of ‘Jumanji’)
Seriously, what is with Hollywood?
How many more movies can children take of kids turning superheroes after realising they are the chosen ones and leading a war against evil?
This one, particularly, features a boom mike in the lead, in every other scene. Given that the boom mike has more screen time than any of the actors in the film, this movie certainly was made by a crew where at least one person was drugged.
Apart from the visual effects, which offer nothing new whatsoever, there is no reason why anyone would want to watch Zathura.
Unless they are kids from that focus group who came up with this plot.
Tim Robbins has a guest role, so don’t let that mislead you. The kids in the lead, nine-year old Jonah Bobo and 14-year old Josh Hutcherson, are not the best of actors but they suffice for a movie like ‘Zathura,’ providing the right amount of the cute and the wicked. There are a couple of moments (with Jonah Bobo specially) to make you go ‘Awwww’ but not enough for you to shell out money.
Verdict: Really little kids might like it (they like anything with special effects), but they can catch it on video or TV later after exams.
Episode 18: Why would she want to be picked-up?
She says:
I clicked open my gmail inbox, and almost fell off my chair. There it was, boldly printed across the page. “If I were stranded on a desert island, I wouldn’t need three things – I’d just take you,” from some guy I didn’t even know.
And I thought Austin Powers was the only person with enough chutzpah to use pickup lines in this day and age!
A pickup line (and this is to all you squares who’ve never feverishly browsed the net, or taken down lines from movies to impress a girl) is an outrageous icebreaker, used by some smooth operators. And many, many complete klutzes.
But, no matter how witty or pathetic they are, they always achieve one thing. They give women a really good laugh.
And sometimes, that’s the best icebreaker you can possibly have.
After all, most of the best lines are the funny ones. Like the guy who beams, “You know, I’m not really this tall. I’m just sitting on my wallet.” Or a simpler, “Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?” Besides, who can resist someone who saunters over and says, “You see my friend over there? (Pointing to friend who sheepishly waves from afar.) He wants to know if you think I’m cute.”
Well, provided he’s cute.
Because a pickup line is a conversation starter and is therefore only as useful as the conversation that follows it. So if you’re going to be a duck anyway, don’t bother swaggering about with just one line in your head.
Especially if it’s the Dumb And Dumber variety: “So yr a girl, huh!” or, “I’m not trying to pick you up. You’re like too heavy. Huh huh huh huh. Get it?”
If you think that’s bad, try being on the receiving end of lines that make you wonder how he manages to walk without melting into a mess of gooey pink slop. Like “I didn’t know angels could fly so low!” Or “Your beauty makes the morning sun look like the dull glimmer of the
moon.” Ew!
But even they’re better than the stock, “What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?” Or even more yawn-worthy, “What’s your sign?”
They might trigger a response, but – trust me – she’s far more likely to remember the chap who murmured, “Was your father a thief? Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.” Even if it’s only in a hysterical bout of laughter.
He Says:
Yeah, right.
If pick-up lines were the only things you needed to break ice, man would have bought real estate in Antartica. And built castles the size of skyscrapers.
It’s no big deal really, after all, pick-up lines (all the good ones she listed) are just a website ( http://www.linesthataregood.com has 1200 such lines) or a Google search away. Why would a girl fall for a pick-up line? Unless she wants to be picked up.
Let’s face it, if women went only for men who make them laugh, Senthil, Goundamani, Loose Mohan, Johnny Lever, Vadivelu, Vivek, Crazy Mohan and Cyrus Broacha would be grinning away on a water-bed in some beach-house in Ibiza with a hundred bikini babes around them doing the MTV Grind.
So what role to lines play anyway?
They work as a mere excuse, if she’s waiting to be picked up. She would laugh even if you told her that she needed a dentist appointment, instead of saying “I need an dentist appointment. I just dropped my jaw and need to fix it.”
(Psst: Now, if her theory is true, for that line above, I should be having more dates than the calendar. Instead, my life is the sort of desert where even dates of the edible variety refuse to grow.)
So are there better ways to make her remember you?
Yes, of course.
Sit next to her, make sure the bartender sees you talking to her (What do you talk? Ask her what time it is and leave saying: “See you soon” ) and when she’s not looking, tell the bartender she’s paying and walk away. She’ll find you. If she doesn’t, how does it matter? You just got yourself a free drink. *grin*
Episode 17: Do the Chance Pe Dance like a Man!
She says:
Macho men don’t dance. But that’s why they’re so dumb. Because even as they skulk manfully beside the bar, looking snottily at the dance floor as they flex their muscles picking up ice cubes, some smooth operator with gel in his hair will oil in and impress all the women with his John Travolta moves.
Women adore men who dance. And who can blame them? It’s a choice between standing like a wallflower besides Rambo all night, as he tries to make small talk over loud addictive music, or being swept onto the dance floor by a hunky Ricky Martin look alike, (and men with dance moves somehow always seem hunky) who then proceeds to teach you how to salsa like some groovy girl from the movies.
Yeah. You can blame it on the movies. Every girl who’s ever been brought up on a balanced diet of dance movies, from John Travolta in Grease to Patrick Swayze in that all time favourite ‘Dirty Dancing,’ dreams of someday meeting The Man Who Dances.
However, he’s as rare a species these days as The Man Who Opens Doors. And the whole problem is the fact that a large number of men think dancing is effeminate. Which, in other words means, they look like idiots on the dance floor.
Fortunately, help is at hand. Dance schools are opening up in ever city. And are they drawing people? Well, does Puff Daddy like jewellery?
Women flock to dance classes. And, as everyone knows, where women go men will follow. The smart men who learn how to dance have a never-fail opening line at parties, “Shall I teach you the Samba/Salsa/ Lambada/ to Jive?” I’ve seen parties where women queue up to dance with these man.
And for Rambo? Well, let’s hope his ice keeps him warm.
He says:
Going by her account, there are only two kinds they notice in a disco: A Rambo or a Disco Dancer.
I won’t bother taking Stallone’s side because she’s anyway explained why he’s boring.
What I would talk about is the disco dancer: Yes, yes, the Mithun Da types. (Then what? You thought you ll find Patrick Swayze or Travolta on the dance floor? This is India, madam. Here only hero-tapori or dance master types do dance-wance on the floor.)
Actually, I CAN imagine her match step to step with the likes of Prabhu Deva, Raju Sundaram, Govinda, Mithun or Simbu, all reputed to be the best dancers around. Or occasionally, the Michael Jackson look-alikes doing the moonwalk after a couple of rounds.
Since these guys are obviously unattainable, the women settle for lesser dancers. Like that one guy on the floor who can dance, the smooth operator who has more dates than the calendar itself. What does this guy do? He entertains yet another woman who fancies her chance with him for a dance or more. Does the ‘dance’ when he gets a chance or more.
Before he can move over to the prettier, hotter, item number on the floor. Like she said, there’s a queue to choose from.
Before he can arrive at the best of the lot, he has to be polite enough to entertain scores of other women with two left feet, bad breath, body odour, terrible sense of humour, alcoholics and the other single lonely Bridget Joness who fancy him.
While one out of these 100 get the man that evening, what happens to the other 99? They go hunting for others who can dance, wait for their turn or drink their blues away. Three drinks later, when they can’t tell whether they are dancing or not, our man with the ice-cubes steps in. Now our Stallone has a choice: 99 desperate women!
Come on guys, who would you rather be? A guy with the arms to carry her home? Or the guy mobbed by women you don’t want to dance with?
Vetti? Want velai? Vela? Want kaam? Reading blogs? Need a job?
Now, that was just to get your attention.
There are more lucrative jobs around that provide as much fun… er… at an intellectual level. Save the world. Be a superhero. Join the movement.
Vodkathon: Round Six
FROM DARKNESS TO LIGHT: They say a picture speaks a thousand words. So I’ll just sum with these snapshots from my Vodkathon, thanks to my buddy Sravan for the Sikkim Fire Ball Brandy and the morning drive to Marina. That’s us breaking the Vodkathon with a single tea. Got a movie to catch now. Off to the Banaras preview. Sleep can wait. 😀
Ferrari: This is what you guys were supposed to do! Live update on all the action dude… Maybe we should keep the vodkathon virtual to make it a unique experience instead of it being just another blogger meet with cocktails. Grrrrrrrrrr!!
Vodkathon: Round Five
It’s 5 in the morning. There’s some Sikkim stuff called Fire ball brandy inside me.
And I feel the need to wear this T-shirt.
Random trivia: The new Pepsi Cafe Chino seems to be ideal for rum with its coffee flavour… Sorta Irish Coffee taste. Rocks. It worked pretty well with the Brandy too… Made it sweet, smooth and strong… Went down in a minute! 😀
Vodkathon: Round Three!
Right now, Hutch is talking to me… I mean Hitch… He he!
Alex Hitch Hitchens: Life is not the amount of breaths you take, it’s the moments that take your breath away.
Sara: What should we toast to?
Alex Hitch Hitchens: Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away.
Alex Hitch Hitchens: So how does it happen, great love? Nobody knows… but what I can tell you is that it happens in the blink of an eye. One moment you’re enjoying your life, and the next you’re wondering how you ever lived without them.
There’s also this funny one from Just Like Heaven (thanks One Dollar Saint for refreshing my memory):
“God made alcohol as a social lubricant. To make men brave, and to make women loose”
Ha ha!
Anyways, what Hutch forgot to say was: It could happen in the blink of an eye… One moment you’re sharing your life and the next you are wondering how and why you let them take over you… And then… You live.
Vodkathon: Round Two
I dedicate this round to the world.
Because, ladies and gentlemen, the world is round.
Hee hee!
MADRAS INK. 