Cast: Saif Ali Khan, Anil Kapoor, Akshaye Khanna, Bipasha Basu, Katrina Kaif, Sameera Reddy
Storyline: Two brothers try to outsmart each other
Curiosity, they say and it did, killed those who went for Race wondering how bad can it really get.
The power of good looking people can never be under-estimated.
Come on, with a cast like Katrina, Bipasha and Sameera, all for the price of a ticket, which guy would want to miss out on the drool fest. Or which girl would give a Saif Ali Khan film a pass?
Dhoom, Cash and now Race are all from the same stable – the pin-up movies where the idea is just to let these good looking people wear awesome clothes and later find excuses to get them to take it off. First let them jump into bed with one, and then mix and match, and invent reasons for them to swap partners. And hey, you get the storyline for Race.
It couldn’t have been written any other way. About 80 per cent of it was shot on the basis of who was available for shoot. Here are excerpts from the production notes.
Actors available: Saif Ali Khan, Akshaye Khanna, Bipasha Basu, Katrina Kaif.
There’s a delay in Abbas-Mustan arriving at the set and Bipasha who came first is getting restless. The spot boy calls Abbas Bhai.
Abbas: Shoot something with her. We are there in four hours.
Spotboy: But what do we shoot?
Mustan: Ask her to walk up and down the ramp. Tell her she’s playing a model. Tell the costume designer to give her shortest possible skirts.
Bipasha is thrilled.
By lunch, the director-duo arrives.
Saif: You are late. You haven’t told us what the script is yet. Half a day of our commitment is already over.
Akshaye: Saif and me are cool, we don’t have hang-ups. We’re like brothers but we still need to know what role we’re playing.
Abbas: Very good. You’re brothers in the film.
Mustan: You love each other very much.
Abbas: So much that you are willing to donate your girlfriend Bipasha to your younger brother.
Saif: What will I do if I donate Bipasha?
Mustan: You have Katrina, your secretary.
Akshaye and Saif both shake hands. What a brilliant start.
Actors available: Akshaye, Bipasha
Saif had to go out with Kareena. Akshaye waiting at the set, has had a few rounds after getting increasingly frustrated with the work ethic.
Akshaye: Hic! How are we supposed to shoot without my brother?
Abbas: We don’t need Saif today. It’s about how you plot against your brother.
Akshaye: But yesterday, you said we love each other.
Mustan: But he’s not your real brother. He’s soutela. He has all property. All you have is a bottle.
Abbas: Start shoot. Just keep drinking. Roll Camera.
Around lunch, Saif walks in.
Saif: What’s going on, you started shoot without me?
Mustan: Your brother’s an alcoholic and you just walk in and find out.
Actors available: Saif, Bipasha
Akshaye couldn’t make it because he was shooting for another film.
Knowing the directors are capable of shooting without him, Saif confronts them.
Saif: I want to know what is the script. What is my role.
Abbas: Yes, you just found out your brother is plotting against you.
Mustan: So you shift from Bipasha to Katrina. Let’s shoot song.
Actors available: Akshaye, Katrina.
Bipasha is tired of being overworked and decides to spend quality time with John. Akshaye reports to shoot to find only Katrina.
Akshaye: But isn’t Bipasha my girl?
Abbas: But your brother found out about you and Bipasha plotting.
Mustan: So we are going to pair you up with Katrina. Shoot song.
Akshaye: Great, I get both the women.
Akshaye couldn’t have been more happier.
Bipasha and Saif show up demanding an explanation for this betrayal.
Bipasha: Fuckers, Katrina is getting more songs than me. What am I doing in the film?
Abbas: Well, she has only songs, you have scenes.
Saif: Sorry I got wet in the rain, I don’t have the continuity costume.
Mustan: It’s okay, we are going to shoot a rain scene today.
Abbas: A hot lovemaking scene with the horses.
Bipasha: Cool, what should I do?
Mustan: You bite him and do your Jism thing all over again… It’s your movie.
Katrina: I’m walking out of this movie. I thought I had equal role and I am getting only songs?
So Abbas Mustan come up with a new plan.
Abbas: Change location. Insert flashback. We are going to say you and Saif got married in Cape Town.
Mustan: Tomorrow, we leave for Cape Town.
Katrina: So I get the guy??
Mustan: Which guy?
Mustan: Of course.
Katrina: But we shot a song with me and Akshaye.
Abbas: We will figure that out, don’t worry.
Akshaye and Saif finally make it to the same schedule.
Saif: What’s the scene?
Abbas: The same scene from Baazigar, you are talking when one of you pushes the other.
Bipasha walks in.
Bipasha: So what do I do?
Mustan: You push Saif. Because you plotted against Saif with Akshaye.
Saif: So I die in the movie?
Abbas: Arrey, it’s only interval, we’ll bring you back.
Akshaye: I don’t understand what’s going on. I’m just going to drink some more and watch yesterday’s rushes.
As he’s sitting and watching rushes of Saif-Bipasha lovemaking scene.
Akshaye: What has the world come to. My brother doing my wife.
Abbas-Mustan hear this.
Abbas: What a brilliant line. We have to use this in the movie.
Mustan: Audience will clap.
Akshaye: As long as you know what’s going on.
And just as they sat to tie up all the loose ends, the producer tells them Anil Kapoor and Sameera have given dates for the film too.
Anil Kapoor walks in with his breakfast basket from the hotel with Sameera.
Abbas: This is brilliant. Like Karamchand. You keep eating fruits through out the movie.
Mustan: You solve this mystery.
Sameera: And what do I do?
Abbas: You are going to play someone who does not understand what’s happening and keep asking silly questions.
Anil Kapoor: If you don’t mind Sameera, hold my banana, I have to take a leak.
Mustan: Wah! Kya dialogue hai Sir. Roll Camera.
After eight schedules of shoot, Abbas-Mustan went back to the table and sat with the Editor and cinematographer and brainstormed for the next 30 minutes on what are the other scenes they needed to shoot.
Race was written in that 30 minutes.
Fly-on-the-wall review. You revealed the entire story without talking about the plot at all.
Awesome. Had me rolling on the floor!
prolly the best i read this week…
Read this a tad too late and wasted 100 bucks on the movie. Great review !
Great review. Only u r capable of this. I remember ur review of Garv a few years before as well. I thot that was u at ur ridculing best, u just surpassed that standard too.
lol.. massacre indeed!
Lmao. Butchered! 😆
Read your review alright. But had booked the tickets earlier.. So went there expecting an insane movie and wasn’t disappointed. Lol.. I still can;t figure out who was who’s girl ;P
Ha ha, a pleasure to read!
wohahoo…i can totally imagine it!!! d movie n also d production sets…lol
Ha ha. Nice presentation of the review. enjoyed reading it.
too good….its the most realistic review i have read for RACE ka case
Holy ‘F***in’ bananas!
I’m glad I read your review instead of spending a hundred bucks on the movie, and thousands later on psychiatric help. At least I’ve avoided therapy and actually had a good laugh reading your ‘production notes’.
awesome dude….damn funny…probably d best review ‘race’ can ever get!!!ppl may wanna watch it for some quality comedy….
awesome dude….damn funny…probably d best review ‘race’ can ever get!!!ppl may wanna watch it (after reading dis of course) for some quality comedy….
U got me into trouble man… I read the review and laughed out loud at office and my PM saw i was reading the review during working hours!!!