(Phor extra-reading plesar, read “tion” as “sun” and “f” sounds with “ph”)
In the backside of every Hindi “fillum,” there is a “pharmoola.”
Underwear Indian, bathroom western but business inside is about toilet paper and inspiration.
Pardon the Phlavour, but Hindi fillums out of Yash Raj are smelling like morning ablution. There’s always a sitting, a loud hearing and then, there is a release.
Tashan is like that wonly.
I knowing Tashan is tribute to pharmoola fillums of Ballywood. But by God, right intention but loses direction. Many nice situation but not holding attention. Reason: Déjà vu and John Woo ishtyle. We seen that, done that. We also having DVD player. We have slow motion button on remote control. Mastana (Naseeruddin Shah) in Bombay Boys ispeaking Englis like this also.
So what is new in Tashan? Introduction… Bindaas half-a-first scene (until the car goes off the cliff in cartoon effect) intercutting between Kabhi Kabhi Mere Dil Main and Highway to Hell, muchos nothing. By nothing, I talking about Kareena Kaboob in and as beach bums in neech bikini. Zero per cent fat, 80 per cent cleavage, 100 per cent mileage, no wastage of her footage. The bigger size the movie, the smaller size the costume.
Today children seeing what we earlier finding only in James Bonda movies. How things have changed far better or worse. Anil Kapoor was hairy-chested Lakhan in Ram Lakhan. Now Lakhan Singh in transparent vest hiding his shaved boobies in Tashan. In movies today, no matter hero or heroine, you need to wax chest more than eloquence.
To tell more about story in briefs… Saif Ali Khan after much talking to camera, forgets continuity of biker moochen, and tells us he got into the situation because he agreed to take Englis tution for Bhaiyyaji, not knowing that he was actually being used and double crossed by cheatercock bikini bitch. How? Because screenwriter-director mistakes Call Centre to be Telephone Exchange.
Finding this logic, Saif Ali Khan runs out of shooting set but camera follows. And, Bhaiyyaji calling Ganga Kinaare Waala.
Enter Akshay Kumar with double surname: Bachchan Pande as Ravan with shades, beating writer for corny dialoguebaazi. “Ramayan was written by Tulsidas. I only writing screenplay,” argues writer. Understanding? Yes, pharmoola of Hindi fillums was written by Salim-Javed. Vijay Krishna Acharya wonly recycling pharmoola, pleading innocence?
Bledy Nonsense.
Hindi cinema heroine has no common sense. Even if she cheatercock, she tell truth about next destination: phather’s last rites in Haridwar. Khiladi and Anari go on road trip again to cut back to bindaas first scene… setting stage for interval with girl in between triangle.
Everything is from the Ballywood book of pharmoola (From Don to Deewar to Kala Pathar to Ram Lakhan to Mr. India to Main Khiladi Tu Anadi) but underwear, look and pheel of the fillum is Hollywood. Like Jimmy saying, in our Hindi fillum, we have a song for everything.
All elements of pharmoola you will find in Tashan. But no soul, only villain who is asshole. Like all the fillums, villain has big den with water-stream running for motor-boat stunts and machine guns only for showing, strictly not for using during climax action. Also if they fire gun, they all must miss or what is the fun?
By God, Saif is uper-cool, Kareena sooper-hot, Anil what-not and Akshay all heart. Apart from these four, it is a wild bore. But the kitschy look, the dhinchak music, the naach-gaana, the Englis ka bajaana, Kareena’s trip to the cabana and the occasional line-marna (especially the proposal to bend like Beckham) makes Tashan an alternative in these times of starvation. Expect nothing. Get more.
MADRAS INK. 
LOL. You got patience, gotta hand that to you.
Waiting to see which exactly bits of this don’t make it into the paper 😀
Just waiting to see which bits of this make it into the paper 😀
Oh hell. I’m watching it tomorrow. But Saif is hot, you say? In that case, I could deal w/ the rest of the flick.
hehe..Tashan I don’t think i’ll spend moolah to watch it after readin ur bery phunny review…luved the line “I talking about Kareena Kaboob in and as beach bums in neech bikini. Zero per cent fat, 80 per cent cleavage, 100 per cent mileage, no wastage of her footage. The bigger size the movie, the smaller size the costume.”
LOLZ
ur description of morning abolution was amazing…
“Ramayan was written by Tulsidas. I only writing screenplay,” argues writer. Understanding? Yes, pharmoola of Hindi fillums was written by Salim-Javed. Vijay Krishna Acharya wonly recycling pharmoola, pleading innocence?”
Egjactly. Director was trying to improvise on set recipe and ends up making mess of it.
Very funny review. Nice. I will avoid this movie then.
Excellent review – which makes you a movie Guru.
i am having seen the phillum yesterday and am finding your writing on it bloody brilliant.
Your review is nicely. I is dying the happy woman if I is able to writing as well as you, George Bussssss! How you are puttings so well? The words, into the jokes which are the tickling ribs and so the bloody apt! I is reading twice times everytime I is reading this.. I finding new jokes..is like finding new chocolate everytime I is reading this!
tashan is supposed to mean style, guess the maker has a different dictionary afterall..
Please the maintain this same the language for the future reviews. Also, try to the incorporate the The Language, as you might the have the noticed from the this! 😛
“but Hindi fillums out of Yash Raj are smelling like morning ablution. There’s always a sitting, a loud hearing and then, there is a release.
Tashan is like that wonly.”
Yes. Absolutaaallly s[sh]ame to s[sh]ame thaaughts.
“I talking about Kareena Kaboob in and as beach bums in neech bikini. Zero per cent fat, 80 per cent cleavage, 100 per cent mileage, no wastage of her footage. The bigger size the movie, the smaller size the costume.”
The costume is getting smaller because that woman’s body can’t stand any more dress weight. You said, “Zero per cent fat, 80 per cent cleavage”. Well, its more a case of “Zero per cent fat, Zero per cent cleavage.” The female body needs some amount of fat to make at least a hint of cleavage, doesn’t it? Poor Kareena, poor idiot Kareena.
Excellent review, top of the line. How else do you praise a review that is so freakin’ good (I’m not allowed to use the ‘F***’ word, am I)?
And I’ve not even started the flattery machine.
Seriously, I had the misfortune of getting a free ticket to ‘Tashan’ and also some free time. I’m making a big understatement in saying that I’ve wasted 3 hours of my life. Seems bollywood has run out of ideas and is so desperate that it runs its hype machine on overtime, without making sure that its movies have any actual substance.
The film was a big letdown. I am surprised how come there is no mention of Aynanka Bose’s good work with the camera! I think it is damn f***** (you don’t allow the F word do you) neat.