Karzzz: He, He He, Himesh… Ha Ha Ha Ha

Genre: Comedy
Director: Satish Kaushik
Cast: Himesbhai, Indra Kumar’s not so lucky production – Beti – Shweta who ought to take up toothpaste modelling, Urmila Matondkar, Danny Danzongpa and Gulshan Grover looking every bit like Feroze Khan’s duplicate as Sir Judah.
Storyline: Many years ago, there was a siren, there was a moron… She killed him. To scare her to death, he’s re-born… ugly as hell.
Bottomline: Watch Om Shanti Om on DVD if you want a Karz tribute, for a spoof watch this one.

“Tum subah jab breakfast nahin karti ho, toh tumhe acidity ho jaati hai,” (When you don’t do breakfast, you get acidity in the stomach) says Monty (Himesbhai) trying to convince Princess Kamini (please note the smarty pants pun – Kameeni, also means very bad woman) that he knows her from last birth.

When the Princess dismisses this bit of trivia saying it’s part of general knowledge, Monty comes up with the sucker punch: “Jab tum kiss karti ho Kamini, toh tum aankhen bandh kar leti ho.” (I know that when you kiss, you close your eyes, Kamini) Now, Kamini is stumped and shell-shocked. How did he know? How did he know this unique quirky little habit of hers when the rest of the world usually plays dandiya on the occasion.

Besides when your boyfriend is Himesbhai, keeping your eyes closed all the time sounds like a good idea too. But actually, what Himesbhai is also trying to tell you is that he used to look once look like Dino Morea – he didn’t always look like Emraan Hashmi’s chubby twin with a wig, with a nasal voice, flabby cleavage and twiggy arms, you know.

If you walked in to watch the new Karzzzz, you have only yourself to blame. For starters, the smarty pants producers have expressly titled it Karz with the extra zees. They have put up Himesbhai’s ‘fotu’ on the poster to caution you further that vengeance is back (you made fun of him when he hid behind a cap in Aap Kaa Surroor: The Moviee – The Real Luv Story, look who’s back now – without it!) and for the benefit of those who aren’t wearing their smarty pants to the theatre, 15 minutes into the film, Himesbhai himself tells you, singing “Hurry Home Hurry, ” the anthem that replaces “Om Shanti Om” from the original.

I have to be honest though, I’m now a fan of Himesbhai and I am not ashamed of it. I have never cared much for his songs or his style of singing because I knew there was a good enough reason for him to hide his face. But to expose yourself like this, you need to be made of steel and concrete. And his facial expressions prove what he’s made of.

But, when he screams ‘Nahiiiiiin,’ it’s pure movie magic. My to-do list has a new entry right on top: To buy the Karzzzz DVD and cut a montage of Himesbhai’s screams. Some day, it will be useful to stop kids from crying.

Him apart, there are a few other reasons why Karzzz will be recommended as part of laughter therapy. The goon who wears lavender-pink satin tights as an underwear, the producer-beti heroine whose smile is so big that her mouth seems to begin from her ear, the villain who types out musical notes with his metallic arm which are then decoded and relayed across almost instantly and not to forget Dino Morea’s coming of age as an actor. Finally here’s a movie that will have critics writing: Dino Morea was the saving grace of the film. But the grace doesn’t last too long.

Like Sharon Stone did Basic Instinct 2, Urmila must do a Rangeela 2 (Smarty pants suggestion for sequel: Geela – Urmila wetter than before). But seriously, the best actress of the year has to go to Urmila Matondkar. Who else could’ve pulled off that surprise expression when Himesbhai tells her what she usually does during a kiss?