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End of days play!
Phew!!
There’s always the day of the flat tyre. Today, thankfully, wasn’t that day!
It comes close though. Today, I’m flat… tired!
The high point of the day was seeing Sourav Ganguly, Rahul Dravid and Parthiv Patel, by the poolside at the Taj, when they took some time out to shake hands with kids from the Sivananda Orphanage. (You guys can read about it here)
But what really hit me was how marketing, commerce and showbiz completely desensitises you from being YOU! I mean, I felt sorry for Sourav. He didn’t get one nose-digging private moment for himself. Cameras clicked away endlessly. He really can’t socialise much cuz he does not know any of them and he’s too tired. He’s scared to talk to journos cuz he does not know what quote of his will appear where and as how! He can’t give exclusive interviews to TV channels because he’s bound by contracts.
Worse, however tired he may have appeared to be at the end of days play, he had to take the effort to smile at the kids, at the organisers, at the press.
Again, clinically. Not out of true emotion, because he’s too seasoned to know that the event isn’t just about him meeting the children. He knows that it was the organisation’s effort to get some media publicity and funds.
The man spent 30 minutes at the venue, out of which, ten minutes, he just stood standing by the poolside waiting for Dravid and Parthiv, hardly speaking a word or two — he actually stood like a stranger in a crowd, only that everybody was clicking at this stranger as he looked into thin air. Couldn’t he have used those ten minutes to sit and mingle with the kids who had already been waiting for him for nearly two hours?
It’s tough to say that he’s insensitive for maybe he might have done it had it occured to him. I think it was more like he was tired. We all know what we are like when we are tired. The brain does not work, you just want to hit the bed after a tough day’s play, you know that the function organised is just a part of the job of being the celebrity. And suddenly, you stop being YOU.
Which is why I think most celebs seem to wear a mask. The smile is fake, the quotes are cliched, and the autograph… is just a contact of pen and paper!
I don’t want to be a celebrity, EVER! I’m so glad I’m just me!
Good night folks! And forgive the blog, it was written at the end of a really tiring day! He he!
Cheers!
Larger than life?
Yeah… Larger than life???
Very often we use this phrase to describe movies, without quite understanding what it means. Thanks to Dr. Devil, this thought hit me.
Even I have been saying so but are movies really larger than life??
I mean how?
Me thinks life is larger than movies!
See, going by just length:
Life is longer than a feature length movie and packs in many movies. Hence “larger.”
By genre:
Movies are limited by genre. Life isn’t. Hence “larger.”
By predictability/variety:
Of course, have we ever guessed what’s in store the very next moment? Life is “larger.”
By colours:
The human eye sees more colours than a camera possibly can ever record. Digital cameras capture more than film cameras do, but nothing to beat the eye.
By second takes/chances:
Unlike the finality of movies, life often gives us a second chance. More takes, more options to undo things we might have done. Once a movie is out, it’s over and it remains so.
By characters:
Which movie possibly has more interesting characters than you’ve met in your entire life?
By language:
Life speaks more languages, there are sub-texts and super-sub texts, no texts and yet you get the full picture.
By sound/music:
You can create your soundtrack, just select the playlist switch back and you can live the moment with your fav. song in the background. Talking of sound, life is in Imax with 360 degree surround sound.
By dimension:
Of course, not just 3-D, but 4-D… you get a dimension that you don’t essentially see. It’s within you. It’s about a choice that you are about to make or what determines that choice.
By sequels:
Plenty. At last count, the motion picture “Suderman in Love” has spurned over 21 sequels, one more than James Bond I think… he he!
By gratification:
Aren’t we more thrilled about our own success after a long hard struggle than the protagonist in a movie? Life is more gratifying than a movie, any day.
By medium:
Interactivity of life can never be achieved by movies or any kind of artificial intelligence. We live a movie for which we get instant feedback and adequate flexibility to alter script, character or locations.
By visual effects:
Every night we have the option to see special effects which even Lucas can’t imagine of creating. The power of dreams. Everytime you read a book, you can see a movie in your head… But ask a book reader for a more credible account of this. I prefer movies to books, anyday! he he!
Awrite, you guys can feel free to add to the list cuz there are often complaints that my blogs are too long. So over and out.
And hey, enjoy YOUR movie!
PS: Hope you don’t go on killing people, just in case you liked Natural Born Killers you know! 😉
Suderman on Spiderman… Again!
Hey People!
I finally finally watched this brilliant follow-up to Spider-Man last night! Now, I just feel like kicking myself for having missed out watching Spider-Man 2 on the big screen.
Superheroes are best seen on the big screen, after all.
It’s late for a review but what really hit me about the movie was that it didn’t make treat Spiderman as a superhero. It just treated Spiderman like Peter Parker, with all the problems any kid of his age would have. This thesis, his classes that require attention, a girl he likes, a pizza delivery job he’s finding tough to keep, a part-time assignment of taking pictures of Spiderman for the Daily Bugle, paying his rent, being there for his Aunt… all in addition to the responsibility of saving the world, while his Spiderpower and glue seems to be running out.
If Spiderman really existed, I’m pretty sure this is how his life would have been.
Ah, I think I said I’m not reviewing it… But I want to run you through some of the lines in the movie… Awesome!
I loved the gyaan in the lines:
Dr. Octavious gyaan on love (to Peter):
Peter, love should never be a secret.
If you keep something as complicated as love stored up inside, it’d make you sick.
Uncle Ben’s ghost’s gyaan on the need for balls (to Peter):
All the things we talked of honesty, fairness, justice…
all those times I counted on you to have the courage to take those dreams ahead…
Aunt May’s gyaan on why heroes are important (to Peter):
Kids like Henry need a hero…
courageous, self-sacrificing people, setting examples for all of us.
Everybody loves a hero…
People line up for em, cheer them, scream their names and
years later they’ll tell how they stood in the rain for hours just to get a glimpse of the one…
I believe there is a hero in all of us
that keeps us honest, gives us strength, makes us noble …
who finally allows us to die with pride…
Even though sometimes
we have to be steady and give up the things we want the most…
even our dreams..
Spiderman did that for Henry
And he wonders where he’s gone. He needs him.
MJ’s gyaan on the responsibilities of love to Spidey:
I know you think we can’t be together.
But can’t you respect my decision?
I know there will be risks, but I want to face them with you.
It’s wrong that we should be half alive, half of our selves…
I love you… So here I am standing in the doorway…
and I’ll always be standing in your doorway.
It’s about time somebody saved your life.
Say something.
Now think. Is this what you would call comic book stuff?
Which is why I think Spider-Man 2 rocks as a movie, it goes beyond the comic book juvenilia, it uses a language which is so real, situations which a superhero of that age would have faced if he really existed in the 21st century.
Great stuff. I’m just hoping for a re-release!
Off Topic:
I finally created links to other bloggers sites ALL BY MYSELF!! I’m so excited about it, cuz I don’t quite understand HTML code and stuff, I just cut and pasted bits and pieces and put them together. And I’m super happy! It took me an hour though! Now Karthik and Ramya are just gonna copy it from me! Hmph! He he!
And I also brought AdSense in though I doubt if
a. I’m gonna drive that kinda traffic at all?
b. Even if I do, are they really gonna pay?
But hey, I got nothing to lose!
a. I’m gonna drive that kinda traffic at all?
b. Even if I do, are they really gonna pay?
But hey, I got nothing to lose!
To my air-conditioner, with love!
This one goes out to a little girl who sent me the sweetest piece of writing I’ve ever read.
(Ha! Who doesn’t like nice things said about them?)
So, I got this five-page long diabetically sweet handwritten letter by this 17-year old girl who said I was her “favourite journalist” and that she has been reading “my stories for years.” She even listed all her favourite stories, some of them so long ago that I don’t really remember writing some of them.
I really have no words to explain how touched I am reading what she called “fan mail.” So much that I must say that she’s not just being a fan, she’s an air-conditioner to me… She’s that cool. He he!
Like I what I told her in my mail back to her, yesterday I really felt like this guy who’s just suddenly been given the Oscar without any nomination, only that I didn’t have my acceptance speech ready.
I don’t know if I am overreacting because I really haven’t got this sort of a letter ever before.
Actually, I’ve got a handful of postcards which had a few nice words to say about specific stories but then I also have the dubious record of receiving about a 150 mails for a sooper blooper of a story where I had quite foolishly mentioned Shravanabelagola as a Buddhist shrine (:P yeah, Jain shrine as the letters reminded me later). Then, there have been nasty stinkers from organizations, complaining about bad reviews, all of which I really didn’t/don’t really give a damn about. We journos see stinkers all the time and we put them right where they belong, the bin, of course!
But this one is not about stinkers. This one’s about this girl who taught me at least a coupla timely lessons.
In this era, when MBAs walk out of B-schools to command 5 lakh per annum salaries, when BPOs have ensured even people with two years of work experience make double that amount, journalists still get paid what they used to, a decade ago.
Lightmen and Spot boys in the film industry today get paid more than us. That’s no exaggeration. [Aside: Did you know these blokes get paid Rs.450-700 per shift (depending on language) and work double shifts every day?]
In this distressing, depressing situation, when you are really wondering if you really want to continue with the job, a letter like that surely comes as a the blast of fresh air. Hence, the air-conditioner analogy.
And suddenly, the job doesn’t seem that bad at all. It’s okay if they pay me peanuts. It’s okay if people with MBAs and in IT sectors get paid more. It’s okay if your juniors are starting out with better paid jobs … because they are never going to get the kind of satisfaction you get out of yourjob!
Abraham Maslow can go f*** himself, I get more gratification with this kind of response than the money I could earn with an MBA or by burying myself in IT.
People. The one thing I want from life. I’m gonna be super happy if I can win more people than money. Only a rare few like Superstar Rajnikant are able to do that.
This girl studying architecture yesterday said she wants to pass out of college, do journalism at Asian College of Journalism and then join The Hindu and do one story with me!
And I had to
a. Check if it’s a prank by my colleagues
b. Find out: am I dead or what and am I in heaven?
c. Read my stories again and see what’s so good ‘bout them!
I just completely understood the meaning of the word overwhelming. I suddenly feel charged again. Yes, I want to be a filmmaker but I don’t want to give up journalism. The expression of part-disbelief, part-jealousy on the face of a very senior colleague told me everything: Not every journalist gets letters like this.
Not that I’m proclaiming myself as some super journalist. To be honest, I’ve never ever seen myself or ever taken myself too seriously as a journalist. I’ve always believed I’m a filmmaker at heart just using this job as a temporary and steady source of bread and butter.
I can write, yes. But journalist… no… I got a long way to go before I become one. Having said that, it is not my intention or ambition to be one. I want to be a filmmaker. A good one.
But I’m not gonna give up what I’ve built and collected over the years, especially, because these include people. Even if it is just one girl and her family. The letter was also an indication that maybe I have it in me to do this to more people. Now that I’ve seen blood now, I’m gonna try turning into man-eater from just being a paper-tiger. He he!
Thank you, my air-conditioner, for helping me keep my cool. For changing the very air I’ve been breathing and to help me make up mind about a thing or two.
I want to retain my place among people because I’m loving it. I don’t want to be greedy and say I want more out of this job but I want to retain this base. I want to keep this thing going and still make my movie, which, is only going to be another way to reach people. Even if it means not being paid for this job.
There surely must be a way out to do both – to pursue journalism and films, fact and fiction, reality and dreams.
Or at least, I hope.
The Balle Balle Freeview!
Ash surely must be Gurinder Chadda’s Chaddi dost or maybe she just got into hers (Chadda’s lesbo Chaddis, of course) to get this role.
Why else would Chadda throw away everything she has earned so hard, after bending it like Beckham, suddenly change her game by swinging her balla (bat in Hindi stupid, you need a Doodarshan commentary refresher) at a total bouncer? Aur, yeh hai chakka! (And it’s a six/eunuch in Hindi!)
It’s beyond the boundary awrite, but not in the cricketing sense. At the risk of sounding insensitive to the third sex, the movie is more like a eunuch at a Zebra crossing than a crossover film. It’s not really Bollywood, it’s not Brit or Austen, nor is it Amrikan’s romantica (well erotic becomes erotica tho romantic becomes romantica na!)
I’m digressing… Gurinder surely seems to be in love, not just with marketing India to the world but also Ash to Hollywood. So throughout the fillum, an Ash-smitten Chadda seems to feeding her lines sayin: “Belle Belle, Thoda aur Le Le”.
Hollywood? The closest she comes to any wood is that she’s wooden. Let’s say Hollywood ignores it because she’s perfect Dollywood material but then our Miss will not kiss and insists on getting outta a swimming pool in a wraparound that could be mistaken for a long skirt. Seriously, no exaggeration. Watch the fillum.
Wait, actually, don’t. I’ll tell you everything you wanna know.
Ash plays a juvenile snooty, judgemental B with an itch who forms her opinion about ‘Am-I-Darcy-or-am-I-Hugh Grant’-dilemma-ridden Martin Henderson, based on what a total stranger on the beach says. Ash instantly falls in love with this Hollywood’s answer to Sallu Salman, only to later learn that he’s a prick who roz (that’s supposed to pun with rose, silly) wants a different babe. But then salla, even a simple villain’s role ain’t well etched out. After getting Darcy’s sister preggie before she turns 17, our firangi Sallu takes forever before he can even muh-lagao Ash’s sister Lakhi (Peeya, the only person to have actually performed in the film apart from Mr.Kholi, yet another crossover stereotype.)
So before the prick can deflower this little rose, Darcy and Ash (yeah, Ash plays Ash in all her films na!) beat the crap outta him with a Prem Chopra rape scene in the background in a movie hall. Haan bhai haan… People in London are still watchin Prem Chopra’s rape movies and understandably so since crossover cinema of today seems to suck! And how!
And then, the movie thankfully gives way to the most entertaining part of the film: The fun end credits. The rest of the movie was just those going ghaghra over bhangra naach gaana dance wance sequences.
Now since you’ve read the review of the movie, do write and tell us: What could be worse than Bride and Prejudice?
The Hindi version, of course!
He he!
So everybody
Bolo Bolo…
Ash sucks, Sush rules! Didn’t she look a million bucks in Main Hoon Na? And she could act too!
Post Script:
Suderman likes to officially thank Ravi for his super sweet words on my blogs in his site.
Suderman’s Top 5 — Assorted!
People!
This has been long due. But I’m just too lazy to mention why I like these films. But most of them don’t need reasons. They are just soooo good!
Top 5 – Romantic Comedies
1. 50 First Dates
2. Shrek
3. There’s something about Mary
4. Pretty Woman/ My Best Friend’s Wedding
5. Notting Hill
Top 5 – Whacko comedies
1. Austin Powers – International Man of Mystery
2. Dumb and Dumber
3. Kung-Pow
4. Dude Where’s My Car?
5. Ali G in Da House
Top 5 – Buddy flicks
1. Bad Boys 1 & 2
2. Dumb and Dumber
3. Rush Hour 1 & 2
4. Lethal Weapon (All)
5. Nothing to Lose
Top 5 – Classy/Witty comedies
1. Bowfinger
2. Groundhog Day
3. Bridget Jones’s Diary
4. Finding Nemo
5. Mask
Top 5 – Spectacle movies
1. The Matrix (all)
2. The Lord of the Rings (all)
3. Kill Bill – 1
4. Spiderman
5. Batman/Terminator 2
Top 5 – Violent movies
1. Natural Born Killers
2. Pulp Fiction
3. Kill Bill
4. Fight Club
5. Taxi Driver
Top 5 – Thrillers
1. Memento
2. Minority Report
3. The Usual Suspects
4. Reservoir Dogs
5. Sixth Sense
Top 5 – Dark flicks
1. Natural Born Killers
2. Seven
3. Monster
4. Boys Don’t Cry
5. Traffic
Post Script:
I watched the Hindi version of Bride and Prejudice yesterday! Will post the review of that tomorrow. Meanwhile, just a word of warning. Watch it if you must, but in English.
Until then,
Balle Balle!
The screwed up Tamil film industry!
Kamal Hasan told me this off-the-record. Anyway, its something my paper wouldn’t print. So I get to share it with you guys here.
The Tamil film industry has an inward penis.
It extends in the wrong direction.
So it ends up screwing itself.
Ha ha! Nobody could have said it more accurately. I recently wrote an article for my paper on the mechanisms (or the lack of them) of the Tamil film industry.
Read it here.
Each point mentioned in the story deserves a larger story. The industry is grossly disorganised.
Anyway, a couple of weeks before I did this story I wrote something on the lack of scripts. You can find that here.
Yes, piracy was surely an issue. But it was like the termite feeding on wood which was already rotting. Here’s another story I wrote before I discovered the dirt within the industry. This one is just on the amount of damage video piracy was causing. Read it here.
How I wish I could write a book on the subject. Any publishers out there? 😛
Cheers! I’m off for a movie again! 🙂
BTW, I’ve also updated my Top 5 Hindi comedies after my friends objected to The Hero being listed under comedies. But to be honest, the absent minded idiot I am, I totally forgot my recent favourite Munna Bhai MBBS. Read it under my blog titled Ooops!
King of Bollywood v/s Bollywood Calling
Wacao!
I just got back from a movie. And I feel good. Movies totally charge me up. Unless I’ve watched something like Monster, that is. Talking of which, hmmm… Monster, though depressing, really had me totally engaged, inspite of an ugly looking Charlize Theron. Remember, she won an Oscar for it last year. Well, you can read my review of that here.
Anyway, today was about King of Bollywood, starring Om Puri And Sophie Dahl.
I was in splits for the first half of the movie. And then slowly, somewhere along the movie, the smile just kept fading away. I mean, its great to take potshots at Bollywood, don’t we all just love to do it? But, 50 jokes alone don’t make a movie. King of Bollywood is a one-sided argument. It is just a caricature that makes fun of Bollywood conventions and cliches in the most cliched way, that after a point it’s not funny at all.
A good scriptwriter should know where to stop. This movie just goes on and on and on, poking fun, exaggerating stuff, big time. Apart from Om Puri and his right hand Ratnesh, nobody else seems to have any soul or appears real. Sophie Dahl, especially, is just a pretty doll.
Surely, this lady with seemingly great potential required more depth in her character, here she just ends up being as a victim of the very system she pokes fun at. Though her character Crystal is supposed to be in total awe of Bollywood, the tone she uses in making the film is very ‘Tehelka’. It’s more like a smart ass sting operation, trying to blow the lid of Bollywood and expose the scams. Surely, the scriptwriters ought to have cracked that for themselves first. Is she an enthusiastic Bollywood/Karan Kapoor fan or just a snoopy smart Alecky undercover documentary filmmaker? What about those hidden spy cameras? Does she see the footage at all or they are just an idea of her cameraman we don’t see in the movie? Awrite, I’ll accept her falling in love with that dude, but why would she agree to act in a Bollywood film after getting a ringside view of things herself? Lets say maybe because she always wanted to be an actress, but when Om Puri asks her that, she says “No,” looking really amused. Because “she is in love,” is ridiculous!
Though the film does give you considerable insight into everyday Bollywood affairs, it does not do any justice whatsoever, to explain Bollywood’s take on things.
Which is why I think Bollywood Calling was a much better film, a very classy, balanced one. It spoofed Bollywood, but it wasn’t just an exaggeration. It was real, it did not insult the hard-work and sincerity put in by the technicians. Behind the satire on Bollywood, the movie had a soul. The inanities of Bollywood was only a backdrop for the protagonist to find himself and discover Bollywood, the way it is, as it is… Not lopsided at all, a more detailed insight, more like the documentary Crystal should have made if she really was a good filmmaker.
Instead, Crystal spends her time making a film ridden with cliches — casting couches, old heroes playing college kids, astrologers and underworld dons calling the shots! Surely, King of Bollywood is ten years late to the party.
But then, Bollywood Calling was made by a more seasoned filmmaker, Nagesh Kukunoor. So there.
Having said all this, I must add that King of Bollywood is surely worth watching. Total timepass.
Spidey, Jerry and Me!
Wow!
What a great day it has been!
As always.
Thanks to Dicky Fox (he’s Jerry Maguire’s idol, remember) who said:
“Clap your hands every morning you as you wake up and say,
This-is-going-to-be-a-GREAT-day!”
My day started with Spidey.
I just couldn’t sleep on returning home this morning after the night shift. And so, in loving memory of Spiderman 2 which I missed, I dug out the first part from the DVD rack. Now, the more I see it, the more I love it.
Spiderman would definitely be a part of my all time Top 10 favourites. Never has any comic book movie been more ‘real’. When I say real, I mean the characters – they are so human. The scene when Pete has that last conversation with his uncle … Man, that is the kind of stuff which makes the movie what it is!
Pete is so real when he snubs his uncle after he’s given him the line of the movie, the line which soon found its way into Main Hoon Na posters: With great power comes great responsibility.
Oh, before I forget, that was one hell of a kiss. As MJ, dripping wet in rain to the delight of the boys in the audience, removes a part of Spiderman’s mask and goes on to deliver the kiss of the year! *Suderman makes a mental note: Must start practicing hanging upside down*
Yes, I slept like a baby after watching the movie.
Got up to hear from Abbas and rushed to his place for a script meeting and who do I find there?
Jerry Maguire. My man!
I don’t like remakes that much but I’m more than convinced that this is one movie which needs one or maybe two. I want to make both of them — Tamil and Hindi. I would probably shoot it with Abbas for the Tamil version. Only that, my Jerry won’t be a sports agent. My Jerry will be a PRO… a public relations officer, that is … in the film industry. He should be tired and pissed off with industry conventions, ageing superstars with readymade star heirs to be launched as heroes, the image trap and formula films, casting couches and indecent proposals made by horny producers and desperate starlets.
Like in the original, my Jerry too will be a popular PRO until his birthday when he sees his drunk starlet girlfriend flirting with every possible guy at the party who could give her a role. Jerry is drunk, he’s 33, he gets this headache, heartache rather and goes into his room, his shell and as he sees through the half open door of his room, he can see it all — as it is. The dirt in the business… where the bold and the beautiful flirt with the ugly, rich and the horny.
Just a few moments before that, an aspiring actor who had gatecrashed the party to meet Jerry, was ridiculed, made fun of and thrown out by his ilk. He remembers the other small things that had probably led him to where he was. Angry with himself, he walks out of his own party. Outside he finds the aspiring actor entertain urchins on the road with music from his car stereo.
He goes back to his room, inspired. He’s all sober and he’s realised what is missing in the business. Soul. Honesty. Integrity. Reward for talent. Creativity. He pulls out his handycam and makes his birthday speech — the equivalent of the Mission Statement Jerry came up with. And he shoots clips from the party to illustrate his point and sends it to the press… He makes sure that every newspaper, every TV channel, every website gets a copy.
Our Jerry is now an outcaste. Nobody in the industry wants to touch him after the incident. And that day, Jerry has a visitor… the same aspiring actor he had thrown out during the party. The eccentric goofball entertainer. How Jerry takes this one guy and puts together a team of talented, committed and sincere technicians and makes a movie with all he has believed in is the rest of the film.
I’m calling the film ‘No Problem’… Abbas will play Jerry, Kulashekar… who, for industry requirements, had changed his name to Cool Shaker! How Cool Shaker becomes Kulashekar once again is what this movie will be about. No Problem because that’s what Cool Shaker says all the time before he gets the most unethical things done in the name of showbiz.
This will probably also be the only Hindi film I would make and only, I repeat, only if I get Shah Rukh Khan to play Tom and Saif to play the actor. A friend suggested this combo to me. And yes, Juhi to play Renee… Hmmm… now, all I need is someone to SHOW-ME-THE-MONEY!!
He he!
As I type this, I’m also watching The Hero… the most expensive comedy ever made in Bollywood. If you guys haven’t seen it, do that… like, now! I can guarantee you at least 50 laughs in the 150 minutes of the movie!
MADRAS INK. 